Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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