Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize