no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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