so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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