Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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