Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize