no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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