I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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