My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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