So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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