i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize