after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it glows. i had to have it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize