it wasn't lemon gatorade
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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