is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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