i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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