oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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