how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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