oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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