I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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I don't deserve a penis
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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