when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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