It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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