I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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