I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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