I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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