i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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