taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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