I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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