i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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