If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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