She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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