What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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