I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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