it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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