If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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