I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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