You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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