this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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