fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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