1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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