By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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