I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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