never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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