Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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