i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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