HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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