Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize