Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize