I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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