I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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