my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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